Learning the violin
Only the most sadistic child would insist on learning the violin, but encourage them lest they fulfil the sadly unexploited musical promise of Uncle Joe, who was a whizz on the recorder. Violins are £70, bows £14.50. Music stands are £9.99, beginner’s music books £3.95 and a teacher to explain them £23 an hour. Making your prodigy practise will cost you blood (yours, metaphorically), sweat (theirs) and tears (everyone’s) but will be easier if you wear some £1.99 ear plugs, particularly during the hours of scale practice, which will poison domestic harmony quicker than a teenager. Family therapy (£150) might help you all come to terms with your newly discordant existence but, realistically. the only solution is to call a halt to this ill-advised £323.43 stringed- instrument experiment, plug the merits of the flute and tell your thwarted little Menuhin that Uncle Joe would never have amounted to much anyway and was probably far happier as a plumber.
Hilary Rose (from the Times 25th January 2003)